Hey friends, my name is Jemima and welcome to the last poetry reading for My book Needy: My Break Up Song, which is available on Amazon. I started promotions back in March when the book was released and I discussed various topics about what I learnt from Needy. I talked about being stuck in a toxic cycle, to my bad habit of living in a fantasy and obsession, as well as my experiences getting ghosted. However, I had one more topic left. But I couldn’t sit down and film it. After 6 weeks of reliving some of these emotions I could not carry on and I took a break.
Fast forward, it’s October and I think it’s time to wrap this book up properly.
Today, I will be reading two poems from the book and we are going to DTR.
Some people just got shivers after I said that. We are not just talking today, we are having THE TALK. WHAT ARE WE?
Now let me read you a poem: This is called ? on page 19 and Blurry page 43
Romantic relationships are complex, however many of us can fall into the trap of complicated. There is a difference, because complicated includes; confusion, fear, pretending, using and more unhealthy behaviours and feelings that should not be in a relationship. In the world of dating there are many ways to describe two people who are not officially committed to each other; entanglement, situation-ship, friends with benefits and the list can go on. Sometimes both parties get into it knowing clearly a relationship is the end goal, and other times there is no clarity people can just going with the flow. And then there are the ones who get into it wanting more and are not honest, as well as the opposite who know they do not want a relationship and are not upfront. However, what makes things even more difficult and causes pain is that how it starts isn’t always how it stays; people change their minds and so new romances are always filled with uncertainty.
THE TALK, is important because of human nature. Both parties need to make sure they are on the same page. And assuming and hoping is the enemy of progress. If two people start seeing each other not really sure what they want and simply want to go with the flow, because they enjoy each other’s company that can be a good place. Things at this point are very much getting to know each other and testing out compatibility. After a while though, if one person realises that they want to grow closer and that they want to spend more time together. What this person needs to do is express their feelings and see if the other person is interested in that too.
Yet, what some of us to do is we wait for them to speak up first, or worse try to manipulate the situation. I don’t think waiting is a good place, because you are not getting what you need. When we wait, it means we fear rejection. It leads to confusion, because you start wondering if the persons actions mean more. And not speaking up about what you want means you are not being completely honest with the other people, and communication is a must in a healthy relationship.
Then on the other side of this is that you realise how you feel and you communicate the change you want, but the person is not up for it. I mean they say it flat out, not one of those “I dunno, give me time”, but a “I don’t want a relationship” In this scenario, there is only two options walk away or stay chasing after someone who does not want to commit to you.
I used to chose the second option. Before, I used to think that when someone said they did not want a relationship yet, it just meant timing was bad and I could change their mind in the long run. I got myself really torn up by having this mindset. I started to believe something was wrong with me and I was not good enough after months had gone by and I still could not change this person’s mind. I didn’t understand why they wanted to only see me once in a while, and not be properly involved in each others lives.
I started thinking the problems was me, instead of the fact that we wanted two different things. That person was having their needs met, when they were bored they wanted to see me. However, when I was struggling and needed someone to talk to they were not available and I was not having the emotional support I needed. I was never happy, because I always felt like I lacked. I became needy. After a while, I stopped asking to have my needs met and just went back to waiting. I convinced myself if I continue to be nice and loyal, eventually they will realise their feelings. And they are only scared now because I am being too pushy.
I should have walked away, but I didn’t know any better. I let myself fall into a toxic cycle.
From this experience I learnt that, just having the talk isn’t enough. You have to decide that if your needs are not met or things don’t align completely; instead of waiting or settling, you choose your sanity. There is so much anxiety and stress that comes with an it’s complicated. Mental health is so important and peace is a treasure; so choose to look after yourself. #IChooseMe
And that’s the only advice I can give, because I’m still a hopeless romantic and I know there is no perfect guide to do relationship. All I have learnt now is to express myself as honestly as I can, and then choose myself. No matter the response, I will guard my heart and keep my mind at peace. That is my priority. I still very much struggle with this, I get so caught up in my fantasy of what things could be like that I find it hard to let go. However, I am getting much better at passing this test. It can be especially difficult when I am not able to get closure.
So with that we have come to the end. This is the last poetry reading for Needy: My Break Up Song, as promotions for the book has finally wrapped up.
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the poems and want to support me you can buy my book on Amazon. Needy: My Break Up Song by Jemima Lola. Also, check out the previous videos her some more of my story. I hope sharing my Needy experiences will be helpful to anyone who might be struggling and healing. I want to continue to encourage everyone to love themselves. There is nothing wrong with having needs. It is just important to know that if it comes from a place of seeking eternal validation it can be toxic.
If you enjoyed to video remember to like, comment, subscribe; ringing the notification bell so you know when I post. I’ll see you in the next video, Byeeee